She rides, I pay

Samantha and Lilly (2000-2007). We didn't have Lilly for long, but we loved her.

Question: A horse in our barn died this week, very unexpectedly. I’m not really close with the boarder, but I feel really bad and want to do or say something. Any suggestions?

Answer: Yikes. Many of us have lived through this one, including Jennie Brannigan, who recently lost her beloved mount Cooper. A lot of things fall into the “don’t” category—things not to do or say to someone who has lost or is in the process of losing a horse.

People are naturally concerned and curious when there’s a vet in the barn attending to a critically ill equine. But try to be inconspicuous and encourage other people, especially children, to do the same. Hanging around, asking “How’s it going?” or even “Anything I can do to help?” can be a real distraction and unsettling to a horse owner who is likely struggling to make hard decisions and hold her emotions in check. If you see other people lurking, approach them and say, “Let’s give them some privacy, OK?” I’d even go so far as to tell other non-horsey moms and dads, “Please tell Meredith to stay out of that side of the aisle. Susan and the vets need some privacy right now.” Read the rest of this article on The Chronicle of the Horse.

Question: I board at a large barn with more than 60 stalls, ten turn out spaces and only five grooming bays.  My horses are pasture boarded and often I have to stand outside and wait to get into the barn where the grooming bays are located because all five bays are being used—often by boarders who could be tacking up in their stalls. I get annoyed by this, especially when it’s cold, rainy or snowing.  Is it rude to ask a boarder to tack up in a stall so I can have one of the grooming bays?

Answer: You can always ask. It may work to your advantage to ask before you go out and collect your horse. Approach one of the boarders in the grooming area and say, “Hi, my horse is on pasture board and I’m getting ready to bring him in to tack him up. Would you be willing to let me take this grooming bay and tack up your horse in his stall so I don’t have to wait outside in the rain for a spot to open up?” Many of the “stall” boarders may just be clueless that  there are others waiting. Our lack of awareness to those around us is often the source of unintentional rudeness. If the boarder agrees, be sure to say “thank you.”

Of course, there may also be boarders who couldn’t care less if you’re waiting outside in a blizzard while they take their sweet time grooming and tacking up. In that case, you’re better off approaching the barn owner or manager and asking about setting some ground rules that can help with this problem. You can’t be the only experiencing this. Would he or she be willing to post a sign that one of the grooming bays is reserved for pasture boarders? Or, ask the BO/BM to post a sign that reminds everyone that others may be waiting for a grooming bay, so please move things along.

I wonder what the stall boarder would say if you asked if you could use her stall to tack up your horse?

If you’ve got a barn manners question, send me an email (Elizabeth@sheridesIpay.com ) or post it here on the COTH forum.